Christmas time 2002 was a mix of emotions, feelings, and things said…and things not said but wishing I had the courage to say. Christmas 2002 was the last Christmas I was single (unmarried). Apart from Christ, a true love came into my life. The problems were that I was going to Missouri to spend Christmas with family and the other were my deep feelings for her and not to be apart. Having declared a variety of feelings and words over the years prior to other women, I was more hesitant to not cross a line that once crossed cannot be erased (if things didn’t work out). And being single with doing things God’s way (previous relationships were just relationships done my way, this one was God’s way) with this new and uncharted frontier of a true and serious relationship with who would eventually become my wife. I didn’t want to lay all my cards out on the table without it being the right place and time. Further, she had a daughter and with three people involved there was more consideration to give toward a more committed relationship. Lastly with it being a godly relationship and neither of us had the finances to do such a thing (although it would not have been appropriate then), it wouldn’t had worked with her and her daughter (or even just her by herself) joining in on this family trip 1200 miles to Missouri for Christmas. So many people and things to see and experience, all of which would had been very new to her. And so, during the traveling days, every evening found me looking for a public pay phone away from earshot of my parents to make my long-distance call to share the day’s events, to hear about her day, and to exchange each other’s Christmas Day plans. I remember standing at an outdoor pay phone at a Texaco gas station on Barry Road on northside Kansas City. Shivering in the cold with windchills in the low thirties or colder didn’t bother me. What bothered me was how many times I came close to end the call or interject with an “I love you”. And with every phone call ending with the stereotypical “no, you hang up first” bantering, I was too scared to utter those three words. Did I mean them? Yes. Could I say them? No, not yet. Partly because I was concerned if she didn’t share the same feelings with me. And if I said it, would she reciprocate? Would she mean it? Would it be said and be truthful or would she say it just out of obligation because I said it? And every phone call—day or night—always left me feeling like I was back home just a mile apart from her despite being 1200 miles away. Love closed distances that geography separated us. Tom McNeal said, “Distance means so little, when someone means so much.”
And for the Christian, our true love is not found in a spouse, in cars, or food, in pets, or anything else. For as Paul declared in Romans 8:37-39, “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, not height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Paul also says in Romans 5:5, “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Additionally, John the Beloved in 1 John 4:19 said, “We love Him because He first loved us.” And it is this love of God who poured Himself into us so that we ought to also love Him and others (see 2 Corinthians 5:14 and John 13:35). It wasn’t fear that prompted or goaded patriarchs and prophets of the Old Testament to follow God. It was a calling, it was a relationship, it was a love. And because of this, not only did we see man’s love and desire to know more of God but God’s desire to extend Himself so that we can know more of His love toward mankind. Love closed the distance gap.
So, would we so naïvely live or believe that we could escape from the presence of God? Elijah thought that distance could part the love and presence of God rather than His presence bringing it closer. God so powerfully spoke through Elijah of a judgment from God. And to prove this judgment was not just idle words, the earth stopped rain for three and a half years. During this time God provided food for Elijah. Then God moved through the house of a widow to provide and God did a miracle. And for all of Israel to see in the grandstands of who is greater: the gods of the land and Godless leaders of Israel (Ahab and Jezebel) or the God of gods, the King of kings, and the Lord of lords. Make a decision! God proved Himself above anything that man or false gods could do. And in the middle of the action was the prophet Elijah (whose name means My God is the Lord, see Deuteronomy 6:4). Elijah was riding high on this mountain-top experience on Mt. Carmel. And when the rains for the Lord’s provision came, Elijah outran a chariot on a 15 to 17-mile journey from Mt. Carmel to Jezreel. Any man or man of God would be sitting fairly pretty. God moved, people repented, paganism was smacked down, perhaps wickedness may be vanquished or judged sufficiently soon. And despite seeing the presence of God, Jezebel in all her wicked and devilish pride rose up saying “off with your head Elijah”.
So, something happens (and this is what the Lord began to place on my heart to ponder) in verses three and four of 1 Kings 19, “…he arose and ran for his life, and went to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree.” For the casual reader we read those first four verses and act completely unimpressed. And for those of us who’ve heard/read these words, we continue onto the “good stuff” where God met and spoke to Elijah in the still small voice. We all love mountain-top experiences. We love the rags to riches stories. We love the underdog who took out the warrior. We like the happy endings with a romantic afterglow. But if we are too casual, we miss something significant found in verse three. Elijah (and his disciple/servant) fled to Beersheba. In an average distance, it is about 115 miles from Jezreel to Beersheba. By car, that is almost a two-hour drive. So, we never give it a second thought. So then why do we see such a drastic change in Elijah’s heart as if this happened overnight? So let us examine this very closely. By foot and/or slow animal, the average day’s travel is roughly 10-12 miles. If we have 115 miles, that trip would have taken Elijah and his servant between nine to ten days to travel and that doesn’t count for no traveling on the Sabbath and for them unable to keep a steady pace. If we account for terrain and fatigue, this could be a ten to fifteen-day journey. For ease of discussion, let’s say twelve days. For twelve days these two men thought about things. Said things. What might had been said? Perhaps from the servant, wow did you see what God did on the mountain? And did you see the king and queen’s faces when the fire came down. I heard the whispers for how foolish you were for soaking the sacrifice so much that the water filled the trenches; they were gonna stone you. On and on the servant cheered what God did. Proverbs 27:9 says, “Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.” God's love for Israel closed the distance to redeem them in this time of repentance. Meanwhile all Elijah would think about was “off with your head”. A day or two perhaps of these two men, a mere man might had tolerated it. Even a man of God perhaps five days to endure. But about twelve days of the servant’s grating and bragging about God and how God used Elijah powerfully was over the top. Parenthetically perhaps this servant may one day have that close of a relationship with God to experience his own miracles and power of God. Elijah, though, had enough…perhaps more than enough. He left his disciple in Beersheba. Beersheba means a well of oath or well of seven. It is place of dominion and importance for Abraham and Abimelech. And Elijah felt his annoying disciple was better off just staying here. The servant reminded Elijah too much of the promises, protection, and provision of God.
Let’s suppose some things concerning this. A leader’s job is to lead, to guide, and as a man of God to shepherd, to lay down his life for another. It means to carefully, lovingly, and by God’s strength to effectively lead someone. Whether that is through the trusting of God, miracles, presence of God, knowledge of His Word including how and when and where to apply it. Paul’s concern was toward the churches as well his beloved son in the faith Timothy above Paul’s own comfort and struggles. Jesus challenged Peter at the end of the book of John to give of himself to feed/tend to lambs and sheep. Jesus put leadership on its head concerning laying down a life for the sheep, to serve the sheep (at the washing of the feet), and the complete roll of the shepherd. Despite that, Elijah left his disciple to now fend for himself. Whatever was remaining for this servant to learn no longer concerned Elijah; and that is horribly disappointing. While the servant perhaps was celebrating the victory found in God, Elijah wanted to stop up his ears. Which is completely remarkable that despite God’s personal Calling, miracles seen and done, Elijah put his hands to his ears, closed his eyes, and muttered “la la la, I cannot see or hear You”. Flesh kicked in. Selfishness kicked in. God proved Himself time and time again. God sustained and took care of Elijah (and others) time and time again. And despite all of that, Elijah’s view of God became warped very quickly. Dozens of false prophet’s shout, and Elijah hears God. Elijah hears a word from Jezebel and cannot even hear the voice of God over her voice. Distance, in Elijah’s attitude, was to separate himself from God. In Elijah’s mind, the mountain-top experience doesn’t work in the valley. And an almost two week-long trip perhaps sealed the deal (much like Jonah when he fled from the voice and presence of God).
And if that were not enough, Elijah went another 10-12 miles further into the wilderness. What comes alive (or grows dead) inside of a man’s heart to drive him away from God? Fear? Perhaps that was why John the Beloved said in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” Twelve days of an inner conflict to then kick his faithful disciple to the curb and then another day’s journey. Perhaps inspired words in Psalm 139:7-10— “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me”—were absent from the prophet’s memory. What torment of the mind? This is beyond an Excedrin headache. This is the loss of moorings; down is up and up is down. What was plain and straight are now crooked.
And so, we find ourselves in good company as James said in the beginning of chapter five verse seventeen, “Elijah was a man with a nature like ours…” What appears to be so easy to some Christians now seems impossible. What was true in devoted Christians, we are left confused more than ever. Even the drawing toward the old life seems appealing. Despite our lives being aimless and hopeless in the world then, at least our blind sin seemed to make more sense than following a loving God who seems to not understand what and why we are going through or struggling. Why is the journey so long? Why is the pain so great? Why is the absence so profound? Where is my breakthrough? Not a reprieve; not a day of rest…but to finally be on the climb to the mountain top without ever leaving His presence (including blessing). We, like Elijah, run when the ticked off Devil says “boo”. We want to be rid of pain…even if it takes compromise or even walking away from God. No more accountability…freedom to make my choice. And running seems to be the best choice. No one—like Elijah’s servant, filled with faith—to remind us of God’s love, provision, and protection. The childlike faith and dependance on God we once had gives way to confusion. Despite God speaking through headship, a spouse, a parent, a disciple, or even our children, we have closed off the voice of God. No smile on our hard day to rid away the pain. No shoulder to lean on or cry on. Tis a better life as it were is what we incorrectly believe. Just attend a church where I can just melt in and leave without His Word challenging or commanding me for more involvement, dedication, faithfulness, or repentance. Sacrifice isn’t worth it any more. And if left to ourselves—or so our minds in a cloud declare—we believe we are or will be better off apart from being in the middle of the action. Perhaps the sultry voice of suicide—even spiritual suicide—starts to creep into our hearing. We lack peace when His word says in Philippians 4:7, “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
But what do we find? What comes of all of that? Can we truly escape? Perhaps for a moment—an hour, a day, a week, a month, ten years, whatever it may be—voices and sounds are all around us. The noise is deafening. The chaos has us in a head spin. But what comes in there? A voice. A once familiar voice. But the voice of a Father. A voice of love, more than the love of what was said by two over a pay phone in the cold winter of Missouri. A voice of forgiveness. A voice to rally. A voice to heal. A voice…a voice which asked Elijah, “What are you doing here?” asks you and I the same thing, What are you doing here? And if it were not enough, Elijah is asked twice by God. And whatever it takes, God is speaking…here…now no matter the distance. Son/Daughter, what are you doing here? Do we hear His voice?