Mindsets can be like landmines with trip wires and decoys to cause us to stumble along the way. But the good thing about landmines is that once they explode, you never have to fear of that hidden danger. Further you now know where to avoid going that way again.
Many years ago during my early years of salvation, I experienced a three-day fast. I do not remember if it was my very first three-day fast, but I do remember that in this particular fast that I desired to read my Bible outside of the confines of church service and Bible study. To my amazement the portion of scripture I read—to which I don’t remember what it dealt with, why I went there to read at all, or where the portion of scripture was except it was New Testament and one of the letters of an apostle—totally blew up a mindset that I had. I lived a life without clear direction of holiness in certain areas of my life. I wasn’t cussing (anymore) and never did alcohol or drugs and it wasn’t about pornography, but nonetheless as I sat there in my bedroom of my small apartment it was as if a landmine went off to bring clarity. It was then that my Bible became MY Bible.
I have often said over the last couple of years or so that the Word of God is a mirror. Where we once saw things because we see in a glass dimly or darkened (1 Corinthians 13:12) because we only know in part (1 Corinthians 13:9), God clears our vision. He applies salve (Revelation 3:18) on our eyes. His righteousness, blood, resurrection power, and Holy Spirit cleans and cleanses our lives. As I have often said that God never saved us for us but He saved us for others, God desires to do His good work in us (Philippians 2:13). In order to do so we have to come face to face with who we really are as well as come face to face to whom God not only sees of us but what God—through love, patience, and mercy—desires to see through us to whom we can become (2 Timothy 1:9).
The problem that we always return to is singular and yet condemning: vision. Specifically we suffer from short-sightedness (2 Peter 1:9) and blinders (when God desires to help us to see, Isaiah 6:10) to confine us to what we want to see. And for us fathers, mothers, pastors, leaders, teachers, etc. because we are blind we lead others astray (Matthew 15:14). The hope, of course, is that what we do, we do not do out of arrogance, pride, or ego so as to create more of a stumbling block for those who desire to come after us (Christ warned against this in Matthew 18:6 and Luke 17:2). But that through a humble life willing to receive direction and correction, we may continue by the taking of our hand and others into God’s hands, we may grow together in Him as His word continues to correct wrong thinking (cognitive dissonance). But why do we keep doing things in error when it seems that our truck is finally back on the tracks we then deviate to the other side?
Almost a week ago the Lord placed a portion of verse into my heart during morning prayer—the best place for God to have opportunity to speak if we desire to not be God and hog up the time with our lists—which is advice from a married man (the Apostle Peter) to married men (then and now) which said in 1 Peter 3:7 (emphasis added), “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” Briefly and quickly I would like to take apart that verse to help set a couple of things straight. The desire of God for every man is to be married. God intentionally changed man to be incomplete because it is those hidden or missing traits that can only be found in a wife that a man can be helped to be made whole (the ultimate goal since we are all a work in progress). (And for those ignorant ones who wish to bring up the half verse about what Paul said concerning being single and all that, read that whole section in context; it will blow up your wrong understanding of that.) I wonder when Peter wrote, “dwell with them with understanding”, he didn’t chuckle. The joke is that a man went to a book store to discover a book “everything you need to know about a woman” and with eagerness he bought it. When he got home, to his horror every page of the book were blank pages. But I will get back to those few tongue and cheek words in a moment. But often men who read or pick up on that verse, the only things we ever remember or concentrate on are the three words husbands, wife, and weaker vessel. This weaker vessel gets a bum rap because us “manly men” use this as the excuse for why women are emotional. (I will get to what this word weaker truly means in a moment.)
But after re-reading that verse (and in order to put things in proper context because I am and desire to be a context-correct preacher/teacher) and wishing to part ways for a while from that verse, there is a singular word which caught my attention in that verse: likewise. Likewise is a transitional word like furthermore and therefore. Which means in order to have correct understanding of what will be said following that word, we need to read the previous verse/s. Going to verse one of 1 Peter 3, we find the same transitional word likewise. And we know that the Bible was not originally chapters and verses but a singular letter. So then in order to help understand basically anything that chapter three has to say, we need to go to chapter two to see what it says. Chapter two begins with a transitional word therefore so then we need to go to chapter one. It would be impossible to provide a detailed or even a summary of verse by verse of these chapters as I would do it poor justice as well as the Holy Spirit would certainly love to share what the Bible really says in those chapters and do a much better job than I, but I will do a very quick summary (if I can be granted that indulgence and privilege). Chapters 1 and 2 can be best summed up with these two verses (1 Peter 1:22-23), “Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever.” Slave or free, man or woman, Jew or Gentile, if His Word abides in our heart and flows out from and through our lives as His living water, then what we say and do will always be done with a love that we live in truth and that others live in truth. Or in other words, as Paul said, nothing is done through selfish ambition (Philippians 2:3). We love others and want what is best and so we love (a serving, giving, forgiving, and selfless love). And because of that, when we don’t know which way to go, so then our default naturally should still be love, give, serve, forgive. And when beaten, we still obey. When we seem to get the short end of the stick, we still love and give and forgive. In doing so, we all grow together in God’s wall or masterpiece as His living stones. Because of that, that we are all equals. We may have roles—gender or otherwise—but we are equals in the salvation and promises of God. And through our humble and giving service, wives share who they are from the inside out rather than flattering or create a false sense of worth as well as a false image with outward beauty (I am not against makeup or whatever, but a real man of God should fall in love with a woman’s inner beauty and be drawn to that rather than what color of rouge she is wearing or how she looks in a pair of jeans and if she can hoop it up like the boys). Because it isn’t attracting a man that 1 Peter 3 is about, it is about a Proverbs 31 woman who’s reputation and godliness goes before her. Her life is an example to the younger (single) women to aspire to be whom God has called keeper of the present and mother of tomorrow.
So keeping in context of giving, serving, forgiving, loving, and honoring with all that is defined in chapter two and the beginning of chapter three, these traits continue to work itself in husbands—the giving, sharing, and taking from both husbands and wives, to feed off of each other to complement each other that both are united and both win—are to dwell with our wives with understanding. The word understanding means to learn or to study (G1108, root is G1097). In other words the wife isn’t a textbook to pick up from the shelf, to study, take a test, and then move on because someone has condensed what and who she is to a simple formula. Further, not every wife is the same. So as every fingerprint is not the same and not every sunset is not the same, so every wife isn’t a one-size-fits-all that fits in a convenient box. This means to study her, try her, learn her, be drawn to her…that the wife is just as fascinating and alluring as the pursuit itself.
And because of this pursuit, she is not an animal or prize or a goal accomplished. When the vows of I do are said, it doesn’t mean I’m done and we’re off to our next hobby or conquest or pleasure. That word honor connects with the word weaker from weaker vessel. The word weaker (G772) has a negative participle and is based from G4599 meaning strengthless which means that she is so fragile or so delicate or of so immense value. But she isn’t valued or valuable because of what she is but because of the effort to protect or to strengthen which makes her valuable. Gold is a naturally occurring ore. It has inherit but considerably lesser value. It only becomes valuable when it is purified and then made for its intended purpose. A wife is just a woman (the ore) but when valued as for whom she is (based on God’s definition), then she becomes a priceless commodity that cannot be shared, given away, or taken for granted (or advantage of). Adam was made from dirt—hard—and needed the breath of life to become living. Eve was formed from Adam’s rib (sounds like a name for a BBQ restaurant, Adam’s Ribs) which the ribs protect the heart.
And with this honor and value, we discover that a wife/woman isn’t a left over or should be ignored (again, given biblical roles). I find it infuriating when I attend conferences and the prayer room is filled with married men “calling down fire from heaven” (or at least giving off the image that they are) while their wife is busy with snot-nosed Jimmy or holding their seats in the sanctuary. I love it when my wife is sitting beside me in the prayer room because nothing God can do in and through my life is going to be apart from her. We as a Fellowship send out married couples who accomplish God’s wife, not men who have a female maid. Married men are leaders in our churches. And it is because Peter had to bust a wrong mindset of women being viewed as property to be easily divorced or hidden away, I’m certain at least some of his journeys (even if it didn’t explicitly say) his wife was there to provide her involvement, service, and feedback.
So with all that said, why is it important that our prayers may not be hindered? Two people sit in a prayer room to pray: one in active sin and the other in obedience to Christ. Other than a prayer of repentance, who is more likely to have their prayer answered? The obedient one. Two people sit in a prayer room to pray: one giving their list and then runs off to do other things while the other provides a list, but words of faith are included and he/she stops speaking to allow God to speak, move, whatever. Whose prayer will be answered? Husband goes to prayer meeting minus his wife. He complains, “that woman…” to God or struggles with sexual tension toward another woman versus honoring his wife, will God hear his prayers? It is nearly impossible to truly get a hold of God when your mind/heart is agitated or frustrated about your wife and your flesh is yelling in your left ear while the nagging of your wife is going on in your right ear. So what can the husband do? Husband, are we dwelling (which means to set up a house and live there forever, not a pup-tent or bivouac on our way to somewhere else) with them in knowledge? Or have we shut down our learning and pursuing after the romance seems to be over or we have a kid or two or when bills keep coming? Have we already thrown our hands up in the air to decide anything else (anyone else) is better? Have we honored her or are we too busy making demands of her? Do we honor her or are we too busy being selfish? Do we give ourselves as Christ gave Himself for the church (Ephesians 5:25) or are we too busy with our own goals, plans, and agendas and we just simply married someone who is supposed to just cook, clean, and take care of something below the belt (sorry to be crass) but remember, it was a married apostle speaking to married men?
So how can we dwell with understanding? Is there hope to find out how to honor? How can I not have my prayers hindered? 1 Peter 3:8-9 says this, “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.” The late Pastor Wayman Mitchell used to say, “marriage is the joining of two selfish people under one roof”. And whether in marriage, ministry, business, family, or life, when we have compassion toward one another—that includes toward unsaved people, or do we forget what was said in chapter 2 of 1 Peter)—knowing that if we want people to forgive us then forgiveness starts with us. Romans 5:8 commands us to make the first step as Christ did toward us, not to be waiting for the other to apologize first or to make it right first or to repent first. When our lives—heart, body, mind, word, and deed—are done as Christ did toward us—giving, serving, loving, forgiving, etc.—then ought we not do the same. In this, our prayers won’t be ineffective and hindered.