“We have met the enemy and they are ours,” Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry. “…For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks,” Jesus Christ, Luke 6:45.
I remember around the age of six or seven, my dad was still my hero. So much so and the fulfillment of a phrase, “Imitation is the highest form of flattery”, there were a couple of times I dressed as much as I could to be/look the same as my dad, including borrowing one of his handkerchiefs to be in my back left pocket, wallet in the back right pocket, a key (to represent keys) in the front right pocket, and whatever pocket change I could muster for my left front pocket (I wasn’t old enough to have a pocket knife which would had gone into my left pocket as well). But as a child ages, a stage kicks in that a boy no longer desires to imitate or to live in the shadows of his father but now wants to establish his own name. To find his identity or purpose. Many cultures have what is termed as the right of passage when a boy is no longer a boy but a man, earning “street cred” to be viewed as a man. Once achieving this role, he earns the right to be a man but he also earns the responsibility—to provide, to care, to cover, and to fight (including as a soldier/warrior)—as a man and as a man who doesn’t shirk his responsibilities. Coupling with that, somewhere in the mind of a teen boy, the idea to break free and have that personal identity—I am who I am—and thus be respected or admired or known by that identity. As a young man to “some time” in life he fights a shadow. Years of what was said of/to him including him fighting against himself, it seems like there is a shadow following and whose grasp from its tentacles desire not to let go. You’re afraid, you’re a failure, you’re immature, you’re ugly, and on and on are the words he attempts to conquer in hopes that one day the son isn’t viewed as a son but as a man. “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher,” Jesus Christ in Luke 6:40. If this inner conflict is never checked properly, the once upon a time boy who admired his dad and lived in his shadow will view his father (now the boy as an adult) as an enemy. And every opportunity of responsibility or success is a point to attack the father by saying, in your face old man. To further understand the aforementioned scripture, often the wrong emphasis is “a disciple is not above his teacher” in a way to put down the under that until they achieve a title and/or a similar level of success, the student is never viewed as an equal and the focus of the Alpha exists. But in the context of what Jesus was truly saying is that (in Robert’s translation): “A disciple is a learner which not only means to learn not just the what but to also learn the when, how, and why. Because the teacher is also a learner as well in submission to his teacher. Which also means that the teacher needs to properly/effectively teach so that the student will perfectly prepared.” Sadly sometimes, due to ego of the teacher, the attitude is an unhealthy “figure it out yourself” toward the disciple and so the disciple never really learns, he’s too busy being busy doing the what to please or affirm the teacher. To be like the teacher doesn’t mean to drink coffee and drive a similar automobile but to learn among other things to be “temperate” and “able to teach” (1 Timothy 3:2) so that “…the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2).
Speaking as a father of a son, just like many fathers believe and desire, that they would be their son’s hero but knowing that it will be short lived. As time goes on, the desire of the father—if a good father—is to be at least respected by his son so that hopefully/eventually the son continues to receive advice if, when, and where needed. (Sadly, woe to some fathers who by their own demise, fight to insert their advice and their self to prove, out of ego, that they are still of value and not a hinderance or so out of date that they view themselves as just a lump of clay taking up space.) Further, a good father understands that this boy/son, in order to become a man, must be given room to develop his own talents and abilities, to be appreciated but yet challenged to be better than just “good enough”, to above all else that whatever he does will honor God (Colossians 3:23). A good father provides structure and direction primarily and mainly from the Word of God but also, as he was converted, knows that his son must experience a conversion experience as well. That Jesus (and church) isn’t an association or what we talk about on Sundays and Wednesdays. That Jesus truly did something in our lives and they, too, discover their own personal revelation of who Jesus is and can be in their lives. This also means that our sons must be granted room (with known boundaries) to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, including how to repent. Along that vein, that the father had done his part to show how a man of God is—not just in church and before the congregation but also in private conversation and the harbor of his family. That a man is a man not because of age or acquisition of things but because youthful and unbridled zeal as a youth has now been harnessed to passion…a passion, to use a book title to say this, to be my utmost for His highest. A quote attributed to Confucius said, “He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” Certainly Confucius borrowed a Bible principle that says (in Proverbs 16:32), “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”
Recently while reading my Bible, I came across 2 Samuel 15 again but this time the words seemed to be more highlighted if I could say that. Decision after decision, Absalom did things that one would think “what was he thinking”. Tying in a conversation about this that I had with my son—whom I sincerely enjoy discussing the Bible and Christian things with—we discovered that not once do we read about Absalom praying at all, let alone any of these things or the direction he is going. And the same can be said of Amnon, but that is for another writing. Verse four of 2 Samuel 15 Absalom says, “…Oh, that I were made judge in the land, and everyone who has any suit or cause would come to me; then I would give him justice.” Immediately upon reading that, the Holy Spirit pinged the following things into my heart. Question, whose will is stronger: man or God’s? Question: which is better to live by: man’s time (our time) or God’s time? Question: does God orchestrate things always by our involvement or does God do things and bounce us around like a pinball in hopes that maybe we will get things right or be on the right path. True, “the steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand” (Psalm 37:23-24). And true, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). But it is purely arrogant presumption that wherever we go, God is there approving of everything we are saying, doing, thinking, teaching, preaching, etc. and if it were not so then God would thump us, send swift judgment, send a rebuke from our circle of friends/leaders whom we allow such things, etc. Further we misunderstand and sadly take for granted the measure of grace that God extends to us that because of title, position, longevity in church, and associations with certain people that we must be living right. We can even be a pastor or leader and be willfully be in rebellion to God or sinning. Often we focus on sexual sins or financial abuse because we assume we can discover the point of failure. But rebellion and sinning doesn’t occur in action or speech. Rebellion and sin begins in the heart (Jeremiah 17:9, Matthew 15:18-20, James 1:15, etc.). We often ascribe these verses to sinners or the heathen but every one of those verses are toward God’s people (Jew and Christian). Why? Because we said a prayer of salvation, we try to live right, but we still have a flesh (Romans 7:13-25). We (as men) battle pride and ego; we battle prejudices and tares planted in our lives; we battle anger/temper, impatience, sensual temptations; we battle fear, worry, and wanting to control things rather than surrendering and trusting God; we battle our past including our upbringing; we battle character flaws that may have rooted themselves in our lives after salvation, before salvation, and even some things planted in us from someone else (generational curses). And all of which war against the man whom God desires for us to become.
And so with all that said, it is disappointing that somehow and somewhere that God wasn’t personal in the life of Absalom (not absolving his father’s sins or saying what Amnon did was smaller in comparison). That to be such a brat that when Joab wasn’t active to make petition before the king for Absalom to be there (I mean, come on if Mephibosheth was allowed to sup with the king forever and granted room, why cannot Absalom the son of the king?) he sets Joab’s field on fire. Again, another writing about that specifically also of which I touched on that in previous writings about posterity and seed planted.
But ponder Absalom as a “disciple” in the church and in a pastor/disciple/church word picture. Picture a young man (could be an older man) saying to himself, my pastor won’t let me preach. Doesn’t he realize that I have a sermon ready? Doesn’t he notice how faithful I am to outreach and prayer? Doesn’t he note how many ministries I’m involved with? Doesn’t he note how often I volunteer to lead an outreach team? And of course my opening or closing prayers at church, wow, what a command of the English language? Oh that he and others would realize how much I want to be a pastor so people can see me standing behind a pulpit and I get to be called pastor. That I get to sit at the table with other pastors and share my wisdom. That when at a table with non-pastors that I get to establish that I’m the longest saved or that I’m the alpha in how many momma roada Hondas I say. Oh that people would see that if there was just someone who would take the time to care for them like I do then I could be a pastor. (Note, I am not talking about not being prepared. I am not talking about not being available. I am not talking about not being used. I am not talking about hiding from responsibility. I am not talking about not being faithful in the smallest and the largest of things. I am not talking about not being a man of God.) To quote Willy Wonka, “where is fancy bred: in the heart or in the head?” This was the heart of Absalom. He wanted title, he wanted affirmation, he wanted his misguided belief for the throne. Even if Amnon were judged some other way for what he did, wrongs do not justify the means. God’s will for Jacob would had still come to pass even if Rebecca and Jacob didn’t do what they did. Just like God’s will worked itself out for Joseph despite being a slave and in prison for being accused of a sex crime (the first punished sex offender). Just like God’s will worked itself out while King Saul was wicked and became demonically motived while David kept his heart right by not lifting up his hand against God’s anointed (1 Samuel 24:10 and 26:11). And with that very last thing said, had Absalom just lived right and allowed God to be God, Absalom maybe would had become king. And as I wrote in a previous writing, as David led his people in and out and was a shepherd, Absalom maybe could have assumed that role. Usurping and vying for the church away from your headship is not the godly and proper way even if your wife and another person or two loves how you preach. Further, those wrong traits or attributes that keep rising to the surface and not judged, will eventually spill out when one day even as a pastor that your pastor or another leader has to tell you “no” (the receiving end of Titus 1:7-11). It is within that crucible as a disciple where flesh is killed (or ought to be). It is that crucible whom Paul advised to Timothy about not having a novice lead (1 Timothy 3:6).
And it doesn’t have to be even a desire to usurp biblical authority of a pastor. The heart of Absalom never once involved God with his grievances. The heart of Absalom wants to resolve things his way and then wants praise for doing it. The heart of Absalom wants others to suffer when he doesn’t get his way. The heart of Absalom manipulates others to gain what could be gained a better way. I remember many years ago Pastor Rubi mentioning in a conference message about a man who kept saying that another man/pastor wasn’t right. But it seemed like the matter wasn’t being addressed. And when the matter finally was and the wrong man was judged, the one who kept pointing things out had such a bad heart that he couldn’t receive vindication well. Similarly Pastor Rubi later said that some people want a title so bad that they do anything to obtain it and once they have it, they disdain it (like what Amnon did with Tamar).
So what is in our heart that is fighting to speak? Who is the enemy? Where is the desire of Absalom in our lives? Perhaps (without the Bible revealing this about Absalom) similarly when God challenged Cain concerning his anger that he should rule or have dominion over it, perhaps God was yelling in Absalom’s ear “you need to rule over this attitude in your heart)? Epictetus said, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” Paul the Apostle said it this way in (Philippians 4:11-13 KJV), “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In order to one day be a father, we must be a son. And may we sons grow in the ways of the Lord (2 Peter 3:18) to one day be a father who will be perfectly trained like our father (Luke 6:40).