Why God? Why are there followers of Yours who—when faced with death, disease, and complete loss and devastation—remain steadfast unto You. We keep singing or they keep preaching or they keep to the stuff. And then why God are there those of us who over slights in the church or with a measure of loss or defeat in life pack up our toys and go home (so to speak). We quit. We don’t care that we become the biggest hypocrites. I’m sore, I’m hurt, I’m broken, and I’ve been let down. We are way past our pride and ego bruised; contrary we are far from even having any pride and ego because we have been that beaten. And so we stop outreaching, serving, giving, basically doing anything beyond the absolute bare minimum to avoid questions. Maybe others sit on their bed unwilling to move. They sit in a mess of broken dishes and items strewn across their room with anger and hate and fear and questions. These who are completely unable to get a rational thought in their head and are rocking themselves on the floor cleaving to their body as if it is the only thing to outlive and sustain…with a gaze to heaven to almost question not just why or how but where is God…Does God even exists? And if He is there, then why. If You are God, then why?
We find the Bible with a number of people who—when enough was too much—with pained hearts, tears burning in their eyes, and almost a finger to the chest of God asking God WHY. Job in the midst of heart anguish cries out (Job 21:7-11), “Why do the wicked live and become old, yes, become mighty in power? Their descendants are established with them in their sight, and their offspring before their eyes. Their houses are safe from fear, neither is the rod of God upon them. Their bull breeds without failure; their cow calves without miscarriage. They send forth their little ones like a flock, and their children dance.” Jeremiah with gut-wrenching questions says in Jeremiah 12:1-2, “…Yet let me talk with You about Your judgments. Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why are those happy who deal so treacherously? You have planted them, yes, they have taken root; they grow, yes, they bear fruit. You are near in their mouth but far from their mind.” Despite dreams given to Joseph endured torture, loss, and abandonment? David only was doing right yet to be attacked by his king. Saul (before he became Paul) was gladly received by the Pharisees and feared by the Church became a target by many to be put to death when he was totally sold out for Jesus.
Why are there those who’ve lavished in prisons, spouses and/or children who died or were put to death, women and daughters raped, and then these faithful continue to grab their Bible every morning to read Your words, pray prayers to You, and tell others about You? Why are there those who endured word for word Psalm 69:3-4—“I am weary with my crying; my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for God. Those who hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of my head; they are mighty who would destroy me, being my enemies wrongfully; though I have stolen nothing, I still must restore it”—are every morning getting out of bed with a grip upon You that won’t let go? Why are those who feel not just lost but feel forgotten. Whether always the bridesmaid but never the bride, everyone else gets their shot, gets their moment, gets their five-minutes of fame, and yet I sit on the bench as if the seat and I are one. The coach just walks right by me.
Although I have heard this song numerous times, the words when sung recently went right straight to my heart and I could not control myself. I wept as these words literally were words from my heart (and I have tears streaming from my eyes as I am writing them). And I also cannot help but think of the many ones who’ve gone before me on mission/pastoral fields who truly (also) lived these words out. “And all my life You have been faithful; and all my life You have been so, so good. With every breath that I am able, Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God. I love Your voice. You have lead me through the fire. In the darkest night You are close like no other. I’ve known You as a Father. I’ve known You as a Friend. And I have lived in the goodness of God.” I cannot help but to recall David in Psalm 39:3 said, “My heart was hot within me; while I was musing, the fire burned.” This isn’t David upset because everyone forgot his birthday or went on a trip without him or they got fed steak that night while he had to make good with a bowl of dry cereal. This is David ticked. This isn’t David ticked just at an enemy. This is David ticked, yes with evil people…but this is David at his point past broken asking with a finger pointed asking WHY.
Why? Because of the goodness of God. David continues in Psalm 39:4 and 7, “Lord, make me to know my end and what is the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am…And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.” Psalm 103:14 and then verse 10, “For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust…He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities.” We deserved hell if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved pain innumerable and unimaginable if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved no one in our lives if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved to never have our thirst quenched by refreshing water (let alone anything else cold and refreshing) if it were not for the goodness of God. We could have gone hungry that day if it were not for the goodness of God. We could have been killed if it were not for the goodness of God. We could have no hope if it were not for the goodness of God. We could have been put into fire like those three Hebrews and yet burned, but we—like they—survived because of the goodness of God. We deserved to be broke and poor if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved to be passed by if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved to have no freedom if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved no spouse or family if it were not for the goodness of God. We deserved judgment if it were not for the goodness of God.
And so why? Why endure? The answer shall not be whispered. It will not be held inside. It will not be silenced. I will not be ashamed. I will sing out with all my heart, “With my life laid down, I’m surrendered now. I give You everything…All my life You have been faithful. And all my life You have been so, so good. With every breath that I am able. Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God. Oh, I’m gonna sing the goodness of God.”