(Grab your Bible if you are not familiar with the below scriptures.)
Dear Jesus,
I praise You for your grace and presence during this time while in Missouri. And despite the much good and looking forward to a future trip to see and do the things that we were unable to see or do due to lack of time, there is one thing that weighs very heavy on my heart. In fact it honestly makes me feel guilty and incomplete…almost as if this trip lacked full satisfaction…like attending a church service or more so a conference with anticipation and leaving as if I have totally missed or missed out on something. Not that sin or distraction captivated my heart, but I will leave feeling incomplete and a sense of a mission not fully accomplished. (And not having the cabin fully ready isn’t it either.)
What is it, Jesus? Was it to be a witness or a testimony while here? No, Your name was declared; so all good there. Did I compromise or fall? No, good there. Did I forget to involve You? No, and at times I’ve even involved You more for strength, wisdom, direction, and peace.
I think, though, that I may know with an empathetic view of being forgotten. Did I go to the cemetery to “pay my respects”? Yes, but that isn’t it at all. Did I share any stories of my grandparents—individually or collectively? Yes. And yet it feels like I attended a party and spoke to everyone there except the guest of honor. I understand that for a number of people at the reunions and other times they had their dearly departed whom they missed in their ways. But for me, I feel like it has become easier through the passing of time to forget my grandparents. I’m not saying that I don’t remember their names or I am unable to recall any events or special times. But it is like “out of sight, out of mind” like life has moved on and anything that they resembled doesn’t exist any more. All the memories, their voices, their signature phrases or words, their giving, their love for who they are and what they are. The essence of who makes that person more than anyone else. I feel as if that has slipped away enough.. And for me, that is painful to consider for two people whom I’ve known virtually as long as I have known my own parents to be minimized to almost a note in history, recalled no more or special than a date in a history textbook…recalled only for point or need.
And yet, I see a parallel to another degree. How many people—specifically Your people—get so wrapped up with life, our own problems, vices, fears, worries, trying to do things on our own ability. We attempt to do our will and because You never directly blown up our plans, we have a false sense of security that our plans are Your plans. And then only asking for Your help when we cannot do it any more ourselves? That You, like my grandparents to me, have been pushed aside as a relic, a picture on a wall that “oh yeah, I need to dust it off when I get the time”. Oh yeah, He has promises in His Word. A voice that was once familiar fades for a louder and more natural voice: our own. Virtually like the early Christians who heard You, Jesus, giving Your parables, seeing You do miracles, imparting Your Father’s will, and we didn’t quite catch on for some things while others we gravitated toward. And them then, like me now concerning my grandparents and yea (let’s be honest) perhaps even You, a voice, presence, and experiences that were very real and defining now absent at a table, a voice heard now gone, a hero forgotten, the essence for who we are and how we were formed or impacted. That we, like Israel had to be warned in Deuteronomy 4:9, fail to remember and heed.
To tie that into another direction or to take it a step further: how many of us forget what You commanded us to do? We are busy. We may be doing everything and yet be missing the whole point or the purpose or origin as to why. It is like the core essence has been forgotten. How far have we forgotten You—as Isaiah lamented in Isaiah 17–and yet we continue to truck on ahead thinking that everything is ok. We may not be doing gross sin, but like Samson, we cannot tell if You’ve departed from us. You, like how I feel about forgetting my grandparents as if they don’t and never existed, get to a point that—despite us with righteous fervor deny ever doing this; so let’s be fully honest—“God, God who? Oh yeah. I was supposed to…” and we for a moment involve our lives after a conference or a time or challenge. We have a zeal, purpose is rebirthed in our hearts, we see the vision plainly to then drift back to how we may have been before. We’re saved; but we lack, we feel like we’re missing who/what completed our lives or who had gone before us.
Jesus, my heart is full of sadness on two counts. I feel like this trip was all about the cabin, moving forward, and my life that had once was filled with my grandparents is back to how it was when I was young: visits at Christmas and maybe another time but never a genuine letter or phone call because I’m busy with life. There, but not there. Let me never forget my roots nor my grandparents. May my life honor them.
Second, Jesus, may my truest love always be hot and faithful to You. May I not forget You EVER. I love throwing (surrendering) every thing to You. I love that You are there. I love that I am worthy enough that You speak to me or through Me so that I immediately point everyone (back) to You. May my life always be “I decrease while You increase”. May 2 Timothy 3:14 be my life. Jesus, I love Your voice. May I never experience complete silence as I painfully feel like now with the absence or failure on my part of my grandparents. Please Jesus grant me strength. And please Jesus if I am worthy to receive this responsibility and privilege, may I always point people to You. I love doing that. Amen.